Dear Husband.

{a copy of the father's day card I wrote on 6.17.12... the day after we found out the sex our our baby}

A daughter...
A sweet, beautiful, little girl...
The thought of you as our daughter's father takes my breath away.  You will be the first man that she trusts, loves, and depends on.  What a lucky girl she will be to have you standing behind her and supporting her through every turn in the road.

H, you have given me the amazing gift of developing life within.  I don't think there is any way to tell you how thankful and fortunate I feel to have you as my husband by my side, and my sweet little girl kicking away inside of my belly.

Thank you for all you do, all you have given me, and for creating this family with me.

I love you forever.  Happy Fathers Day.

Shannon

I am alive.

I apologize for the empty blog for the last 10 weeks or so.  I know so many of you sit on the edge of your seat for these posts... /sarcasm.

The Husband and I have been chugging away at life and the blog has taken a backseat to all the new changes happening.  I'm 15 weeks pregnant now.  We find out the sex of the babe in 8 days.  I cannot believe it.

Things we have purchased 15 weeks into the pregnancy:

Books

• What to Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel
• Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, MD
• Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy
• The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley
• The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp, MD
• Your Pregnancy Week by Week by Glade B. Curtis MD and Judith Schuler MS

So far, I tried to stay current with "What to Expect...." and "Your Pregnancy Week by Week".  Honestly, I haven't done that great of a job staying up with my reading.  I typically only have time to read at night - and I'm too tired to do anything but sleep.

I did read "Belly Laughs" cover to cover one weekend.  It was an easy read, and was funny... but didn't have a whole lot of information I didn't already know.  

The other books haven't even been cracked open.   It feels very far away I'll actually have a baby, so the pressure to read about how to make them happy or get them to sleep hasn't hit me.  

Baby Items

• A ring sling to carry the baby.  Similar to these.  We found this for $5 at a garage sale.  I have no idea if I (or babe) will like it... but I was willing to risk it for $5.
• A crib.  This was purchased by my mom about 2 days after I told her I was pregnant.  It was not my ideal situation... and she bought it without me seeing it.  Again, not ideal.  However, it's free to us - and my dad has offered to paint it to be the color that I had in mind.  
• An activity mat.  Similar to this.  Again, this was a garage sale item that was clean and cheap.  
• A changing table.  This was $15 at a garage sale and was a similar style to the already purchased crib.  I am hoping my dad will paint it to match the crib as well.  

We have discussed registering, but before now it has felt too early.  I think we'll buy a few cute things when we know the sex... but otherwise we will be waiting for the anatomy scan to make any major purchases.

Maternity Wear

At about 12 weeks, my jeans were becoming uncomfortable and The Husband convinced me to go to a maternity clothing store and try some things on.  I got in there and was TOTALLY overwhelmed.  The Husband was encouraging and trying to get me to relax, so I tried to power through.  Long story short, I ended up crying in the changing room.  It was horrible.  I felt completely out of my element, unhappy with my changing body (vain, yes.  true, yes), and overwhelmed by the options.  The Husband realized things were not going to get better... so we escaped asap.  

As an alternative to maternity wear, I purchased a few extra summer dresses from old navy that had plenty of room in the tummy and those have served me well up until now.  At this point, I'm down to about 6 dresses that I feel comfortable wearing.  That's not quite enough to last me through the scorching summer.  Dresses are great... but I'm not sure if you've heard of the term "chub rub".  It's unfortunate... but it's a reality.  My maternity spanx have been great at helping me combat the rub - but they're hot, and mama needs some shorts.  

I would typically never wear shorts because my legs are... well... not cute.  However, my plan this summer is to have such a cute bump that people are distracted by the roundness of my mid-section and will never look down to my legs.  

Here were some of my purchases from last night:

Old Navy Maternity Twill Cargo Shorts

Old Navy Maternity Smooth Panel Cutoff Denim Shorts

Old Navy Smooth Panel Distressed Denim Capris

Some of my flowy-er tops are still okay, and I have plans to find some cheap options around town.  Hopefully with three different "bottoms" I'll be able to mix/match a little easier.

Over the next month (weeks 15-19) my goals are:

• Make decision on furniture for baby's room - even if not purchased.
• Make decision on birthing classes.  I think I want to try the bradley method - I'm just not sure I can get on board with 12-15 weeks of classes!  I need to make my mind up asap.
• Decide where I want to start a registry.  Amazon?  Buy Buy Baby?  Babies R Us?
• Buy the Baby Bargains book and read that sucker cover to cover.  
• Decide on nursery inspiration for boy and/or girl
• Make final decision on cloth diapers.  I'm 90% sure... I just need to do more research.
• Find out the sex of the little nugget in my belly!

Pregnancy 101

As I mentioned in this post, there have already been some moments of sheer panic that our little poppyseed wasn't developing on track.  I wanted to give you the run down (and for my own records) about how the last few weeks have played out.

Monday March 12, 2012

• Charting day 16 & Estimated date of ovulation.  I was not charting temps this month (only cervical fluid), as my cycles have been so predictable with ovulation on day 16 every cycle for the last 6 months.  Although I don't know 100% CD 16 was ovulation day... I feel pretty confident.

Monday, March 19, 2012  (Approx 7 dpo)

• I had my annual appointment at my obgyns office.  I told her we had just starting trying to conceieve and she offered a quick blood draw (which measures level of HCG, "the pregnancy hormone", in your system) since I was probably 7 or 8 days past ovulation.  She mentioned this was when numbers just start showing up... and to not be disappointed if it was negative.  

Tuesday, March 20, 2012  (Approx 8 dpo)

• Blood draw numbers came back negative.  I was disappointed.  shocker.  

Thursday, March 22, 2012  (Approx 10 dpo)

• I took a pregnancy test at home, at about 10 days past ovulation.  It also came back negative.  A lot of women see positives at 10 dpo, so I assumed we were out for this cycle.

Monday, March 26, 2012 (Approx 14 dpo)

• I didn't get my period as expected.  After work I came home and took a pregnancy test.  Positive.  Wow.  Took another pregnancy test.  Positive.  Called our parents and siblings to share the news.  

Tuesday, March 27, 2012  (Approx 15 dpo)

• I called my obgyn to let them know, and schedule my first appointment.  They said they do their first appts at 8 weeks with sonogram, blood work, and pelvic exam.  I requested early blood work, and they said they typically only do that for women that  have had previous losses.  I told them that my insurance would cover it, and I would like to have blood work for confirmation (along with progesterone levels).  They persisted "can I ask why?".  I just told them that I wanted it, and that was it.  They agreed and said they would send it in to the labs that day.  They forgot, so a trip to the lab was wasted.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012 (Approx 16 dpo)

• They finally got the paperwork right and I had blood work taken.  They had to poke me 3 times before they could get blood.  Apparently I have tiny veins and they float.  They ended up using my hands for veins.

Thursday, March 29, 2012  (Approx 17 dpo)

• The nurse called to tell me my beta was 254, but my progesterone was only 10.1 which is not high enough to sustain a pregnancy (they like to see levels at 15 or higher).  She said  I needed to start taking vaginal supplements of this progesterone hormone twice a day... starting that day.   Which I did.  I raced to the pharmacy and inserted the first one in their public restroom.  In my mind I couldn't get it in fast enough.  We also had to meet with a nurse that day and pickup all of our paperwork and brochures on pregnancy.  I felt quite justified in my pushiness to have early blood work.  :::thumbs nose at nurse:::

Friday, March 30, 2012  (Approx 18 dpo)

• More blood work to see if beta numbers were doubling.  They poked me SIX times before they found a vein.  They put "stat" on the order - so I found out later that afternoon that the beta had more than doubled to 577.  Good news.  It was still too early to test progesterone again.

Thursday, April 5, 2012 (Approx 24 dpo)

• More blood work to see if the progesterone supplements are doing their jobs.  They got blood on the first stick.  I almost kissed that tech.  

Friday, April 6, 2012 (Approx 25 dpo)

• Nurse called and my beta numbers are now at 7,274 and my progesterone has increased to 20.8.  Celebrations.

• I do have to continue the 2x per day progesterone supplements... which sucks because they make me SO bloated and constipated... but if I get a healthy baby out of this, no problem.  I typically wake up about 40 minutes earlier than normal and stumble to the fridge to get one out.  After inserting it, I have to lay down for about 35 minutes (per pharmasist's instructions).  I use that for a power nap.  In the evenings I have been passing out around 9:30pm so I insert another one before I go to bed.  

So that has been my life for the last three weeks.  Blood work and worrying about this little poppy seed.  In the mean time I've been substantially less productive and work and my house is a complete wreck.  I'm hopeful next week will bring a little more energy and less worry.  

The nurse said today that I'm back on track for an "average, run of the mill, pregnancy" which is exactly what I hoped for.  

Grow poppy seed (which is apparently now the size of an apple seed)... grow!

Letters.

To my baby poppy seed,

The stars aligned, and here you are.  In whirlwind speed our family has grown from 2 to 3. Little one, you were the wish upon every fallen eyelash, every shooting star, and every thrown penny.  You, exactly how you are, are exactly what my heart desired.  I am in awe that I have the chance to be your mom, and that Daddy and I get to parent you together. 

On March 26, 2012 we confirmed that you, just a tiny ball of cells, were developing deep inside me.   Although you are only the size of a tiny poppy seed, I want you to know that I will do my very best to keep you safe.  I will work every day to give you my best, for the rest of my life.  I promise. 

You will be the one who teaches me how to be a mother.  I hope you are patient, little poppy seed, because this transition is going to be big for me, too.  You will be the one that will enable me to see your Daddy as a father… something I’ve imagined since I fell in love with him.  Little one, I want you to know that I picked the best Daddy for you.  His eyes gleam, his smile deepens, and his palms sweat when we talk about you joining our family. 

There is so much to tell you, and so much we want to show you… hopefully around December 1^st we can start this new life together.  Daddy and I cannot wait to have the opportunity of meeting you, holding you, touching you, and I desperately want that privilege.  

Poppy seed, please bury deep and stay safe for the next nine months.  I already love you.

Mommy

In a moment...

...Life changes.

Friends and readers... there have already been a few concerns (that are resolving themselves quickly, thankfully) with our pregnancy (plus, it's just so very early)!  I appreciate your positive thoughts, and tight lips.  No facebook or any other "outing".  I bigger, more thoughtful post is on it's way.  

Thanks for understanding.  

Now, I will return to basking in my pregnant glow, thankyouverymuch.  

the couch as arrived.

Up until recently our house was pretty empty.  See our Empty Playroom here.  And our not-so-empty dining room here.  Thankfully, we were able to (partially) furnish the dining room for free just two weeks ago.  And now, just in the last few hours, the house has had some big changes! 

The Husband and I have a separate account just for furniture that we've been slowly adding to over the last few months (cause couches ain't cheap!).  Once we hit the 'magic number', I ordered it online that evening.  We had done lots of research, measuring, sitting, laying, etc on this couch in stores so I felt 100% comfortable ordering it online.

Here is the "before" of our living room.  Ugly love seat, chairs, and ottoman that were free to me.  The scale is way off and... well, there is  nothing positive to say about this.
(view from the extended entry way)

(view from the kitchen)

(view from the back entry way)

Last night The Husband and I moved all of the old furniture into the playroom (with the exception of one chair for additional seating).  We also pulled out a rug that was rolled up in one of the guest rooms.  

We had this rug out when we first moved in, but SIL's dog created some damage.  I was too pissed to think rationally and turn the rug - I just rolled it up to get it out of my sight.  The new sectional was going to be plenty large to cover this up and keep it safe from additional damage.  

(view from the back entry way)

Moving the old furniture into the playroom worked well, because it was 100% empty.  The scale of the furniture works much better in a smaller space.  We've already realized this is a great area for The Husband to program, and work from home.  It's not in front of a TV (key for his attention span) and it's still fairly comfortable furniture.   

This furniture arrangement is temporary.  Once we welcome kiddos into this house - it will transform from this "old man den" that we're currently working with...  to a real "playroom". 

And here is the after current state of the living room.  

(view from the extended entry way)

(view from the kitchen)

I think my new purchase will be a console table.  I don't love looking at the back of a couch.

(view from the back entry way)

The plan is a large leather ottoman as an alternative to a coffee table.  

Pearce Sectional Sofa

Color:  Oat

Fabric:  Everyday suede 

So a few thoughts...

• It's going to take some getting used to.  It's definitely an improvement, but I'm not sure if I'm hesitant because it's still so barren in that room... or what.  
• I'm taking suggestions on the carpet placement.  Right now, it's centered in the room... but the couch is a bit off center in an effort to not close off the space.  I think it adds a great texture, but I'm just not sure yet.
• The ugly plaid chair looks horrendous.  I was hoping we could salvage it by reupholstering, but that won't work.  It looks bitty next to that massive couch and it just can't stay.  I think I would eventually like to get another chair for that area, but I have no idea what.  I was REALLY hoping the chair would work because it was free... but I don't think it's possible.  Maybe something leather to match the ottoman?
• Where can I buy pillows for this couch?  It needs color - stat!  

this is where I post something super private on the internet

If you know me in "real life" or even on facebook - here is where I ask for your assistance.  I consider this little blog a private space.  The Husband doesn't read it and I have not told any family about it.  I feel like having my friends and family read it takes an element of anonymity out of it.  I love that coat of privacy (even though it's clearly not... I'm publishing it on the inter webs.  Let me play dumb, please).  I request that nothing that I talk about here be put onto facebook where nosy aunts, uncles and neighbors can read.  

Now that that's out there.

The Husband and I are trying to have a baby.  

This is a very new development, and one that I am so excited about.

Two and a half years ago, the Husband had been married for almost a year... and I was getting "the itch".  I was spending some time online forum where a large portion of the conversation was about fertility, trying to conceive, raising children, etc.  ::itch, itch, itch::

While on this forum I read about a book entitled Taking Charge of Your Fertility.  After ordering the book online, I sat and read cover to cover in two evenings.  I was shocked about the fertility clues that I was so oblivious to.  The Husband was still unemployed at the time and we were not ready for children... but I felt so inspired and educated by the book.  After discussions with The Husband, we decided we would use the methods (charting, temping, checking CM) to avoid pregnancy once he was gainfully employed, and I could finally get off the birth control pill that had been ruling my life for 6.5 years.  

In January 2010, we tossed the pills and started using the more natural methods in TCOYF.  At that time, we decided we would start trying in January 2012 due to some financial goals we wanted to spend the next two years working towards.  I was on board with our savings goals... but my desires to start trying were much stronger once there was so much more stability with The Husband's income.  ::itch, itch, itch::

In January 2011 we took an (unplanned) leap of faith and signed a contract to build a home.  This was not in the 5 year plan, but we felt like it was the right time and the right decision.  We put 15% down on the house, so this obviously impacted our savings goals.  When we signed the contract on the house, The Husband and I decided we would need to push ttc back 9 additional months, until August 2012.  I struggled with this, but decided the home was the right decision and reluctantly got on board with our new plan.

Since we've moved into the house in June 2011, and gained even more stability (emotionally and financially) I have been bugging the shit out of The Husband to push up our ttc date.  The poor guy was subjected to my irrational pleads on a regular basis.  In what I can only rationalize as a weak moment, The Husband agreed to reconsider once he received his next annual review in April 2012.  When he said  "We will talk about this in April 2012, after my annual review.  Leave me alone about this.", I heard "We can start actively ttc in April, and I cannot wait to father your children".  I was stoked.  ::itch,  itch, itch, itch::

Last Saturday, The Husband and I were laying in bed chatting about a potential vacation in April.  He rolled over and said "I have been thinking about this, and I'm ready to start trying for a baby now".  

...Enter my gasp of air, and momentary pause in the beating of my heart... 

(Due to my predictable cycles and history of charting - the husband knew right where I was in my cycle - which happened to be 2 days before ovulation).  I was finally able to scratch that "itch" that has been bugging me for the last 2 years.

So we tried that night.

And we tried last night.

And you can bet all of your buttons that we're trying again tonight.

I am not naive to the difficulties so many people, including several of my own friends and family have endured trying to conceive.  I am just choosing to maintain positive because this is an incredibly exciting time in our lives and there is no reason for me to not soak up every second.  I'm sure a few months of negatives may eventually change my tune, but this post is about where I am in the process as of today.  Bring on the two week wait.