Perfectly Imperfect.

That deep, gut wrenching, stomach churning, pain that is so unfamiliar you can't even begin describe where it came from or what it means...  I assume that's mommy worry.  I've had tough breaks, and stress, and unexpected pitfalls in my life - but the thought that something isn't exactly right for your baby is completely different.  It's a feeling so deep and specific, I know I've never felt it until now.  

So many moms (myself included) spend countless hours creating a nursery that is perfectly designed.  Clothes hang in the closet that have been organized by month and perfectly folded pajamas sit in dressers.  Hours of research go into finding the best car seats, and bedding, and swings... and all the other 'stuff' that makes for a perfect transition into parenthood.

It suddenly doesn't matter if you have concerns about your baby's growth.

Six weeks ago, The Husband and I had our anatomy scan at my regular obgyn's office.  They mentioned she was very low in my pelvis, making it difficult for them to measure her.  I needed to come back in four weeks for another ultrasound so they could get measurements of her head.  I chalked it up to her being her 'father's daughter' and stubbornly hiding.  

At 24w3d, I returned for another ultra sound.  After the ultra sound, my doctor mentioned that our little girl's head measurements were falling behind.  The head measurements were not proportional to her body growth.  At 24 weeks, her head was at least 2.5 weeks behind.  It became clear that they got small measurements at my 20 week, but weren't sure... due to her position.  However, the 24 week ultra sound confirmed.  I've been given a referral to see a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist on September 11th.  

My obgyn mentioned that all babies grow at a different paces.  Just like 12 year olds - everyone hits growth spurts at different times.  There is plenty of hope that her head will catch up and she just has an odd growth pattern.  However, a specialist has better equipment and can give a more detailed report.   It's totally possible we will walk into the specialist appointment and her head growth will have caught up.  If not, The Husband and will be able to walk out more knowledgeable and informed - and hopefully with less fear.  The unknown is scary.  

(Googling is even more scary... I don't recommend it.  Ever).

We are choosing not to post anything about our worries on facebook.  I want to wait until after our appointment and we can get some answers.  I would appreciate any of my FB friends to understand and help protect our fears.  

Here is a photo of our perfect little girl, with her perfectly disproportional head. 

I'm so in love.   

Pregnancy: Week 26

The Husband and I have conquered the Ikea furniture!  At last! 

I was so excited I didn't even bother picking up all of his tools before taking these photos.  

(that changing table to the right will eventually be painted...)

When it's all said and done, we're pretty happy with our purchases from Ikea.  I had heard good things about the Hemnes line and there was a sale that allowed me to buy new (vs. craigslist) and not feel guilty about the money.  Although I would have re-finished/painted something from Craigslist, I think this saved us a lot of time, energy and money.  I like the white more than I even expected in her room and the design is simple enough to (hopefully) last her a long time.  

My only complaint is that one of the backs of the drawers wasn't included in our box.  This meant I had to drive back to Ikea (it's a long drive...) and get a replacement part.  I could have waited for them to mail it - but I was getting antsy to check this off of the "to do" list.  

 I also picked up a few of Ikea's drawer organizers.  While her things are still so tiny, I think these will help keep the socks, hats, headbands, pacifiers all separate and organized.  

I do love that these dressers come with a design on the bottom of the drawers.  It's a nice touch.  

I've also got The Husband on board with the cloth diapers.  His only request was an all-in-one style.  I can't blame him, as these are the most like disposable, without actually disposing of them.  

We went to a store and looked at several styles and brands, but we came home with a clear favorite:

Bum Genius Freetimes

They have two 'flaps' inside each one is connected to the diaper on the respective end.  They allow for additional stuffing (for heavy wetters, or overnight).  We also preferred the snap vs. velcro - as we're hoping these diapers will get us through more than one kiddo.  

We went ahead and purchased our first three cloth diapers.  I just love them!

Because these are AIO, I don't anticipate them fitting baby girl as a newborn.  Our plan is to start with disposables as we get our footing as new parents.  Once she's big enough - we'll start the transition into cloth.  That's why we're holding off on purchasing too many CD  items now.  I want to make sure they're going to work well for her - and that it's something realistic for us.  

The Husband also installed our fancy new light dimmer/fan dimmer switch.  He did it one night while I worked late - and said it wasn't too much of a hassle.  

I really like the functionality of this, but my only complaint is that the fan seems to have a "hum" when the light is on.  That wasn't an issue before this was installed.  I'm not sure what is causing the humming, but it's annoying.  I haven't decided if it's a deal breaker or not.  Asking The Husband to un-install it doesn't sound like I want to do quite yet.  

This is the new light switch.  The final plate (that covers the screws) hasn't been installed.  The Husband wants me to be *sure* it's going to stay first. 

In non-photographic news, we attended our first Bradley class this week.  I think it's going to be really good for us.  It was nice to carve out two hours in the middle of the week for The Husband and I to focus just on each other and our growing family.  

I hope she likes stripes...

...until she is 18 years old.  

Because mama isn't interested in painting over these, ever.  

It started out as a simple pink stripe idea.  And like wildfire, it grew into five stripes, with three colors.  

The entire project took us two weekends of fairly constant work (measuring, leveling, re-leveling, taping, painting, second coats...).  Also, our laser level only works on two walls - and this room is oddly shaped so we were constantly checking to make sure everything lined up perfectly.  

It was certainly a labor of love - and in the end - I love the result.  

This next photo will give you a better perspective on how high the stripe sits on the walls.  

(and how oddly shaped the room is.  The door on the left is the door you enter through.  The door on the right is her closet.)

The entire width of the area painted is 31''.

The green stripes are each 4''

The white stripes are 2''

and the pink center stripe is 19''

The Husband also installed a ceiling fan.  All of the bedrooms were boxed and ready for ceiling fans, but we didn't feel like paying the builders an extra $150 per room to pick them out and install them for us.  We purchased three matching fans a few weekends ago (one for baby girl's room, the guest room, and the playroom) and we will slowly get them all installed.  

We also purchased a little gizmo that dims the lights, and changes the speed of the fan through the wall switch.  We haven't gotten around to doing it - but I'm excited to see how it works.  I am way too short for pull chains in this house.  Our ceilings are too high - and the chains have to dangle awkwardly low. I think the wall switch will be a perfect solution.  

Pregnancy: Week 23

Things are moving right along these days.  Finding out the sex of this baby finally put a lot of things into motion.  We have started the nursery transformation... and let me tell you... it's sloooooow going.  

We have two guest rooms that flank either side of a playroom.  We ended up picking the room that was a bit smaller for the nursery, so we could keep the queen in the other guest room for when people come over.  We only had a full sized bed in the nursery.  

We ended up pulling everything out of the room and stashing it in the playroom.

Now, the playroom looks like this:

We purchased three ceiling fans at Home Depot a few weekends ago.  (one for guest room, one for nursery, and one for the playroom).  Ask me if I'm surprised that they're sitting on the floor instead of hanging from the ceiling....

...The answer is NO.  The Husband keeps swearing he can and will take care of it.  We shall see.  

This is what is supposed to be a changing table.  It's turned into quite the 'catch all'.  

On top there are a pile of more girly clothes.  We scored those from a neighbor for about $15.  There are also tu-tu poms that I plan on hanging.  

Under that box of poms... you would find these.  

tiny UT socks.  I dieeeeeeeeee. 

We went to the UT co-op and went a *tiny* bit crazy and came home with those socks, three outfits, and these precious pacifiers.  The girl will bleed orange.

If you look hard enough in the first playroom shot, you can see my most favorite baby item (folded up and on the floor).

the BOB revolution CE

I have been pining for a BOB since, well, before I got pregnant. ha. 

Amazon had a great deal a few weeks ago - so we jumped.  And I love it, as expected.  

(as much as a person who doesn't even have a baby yet, and strolls around the house with an empty stroller, can love a stroller...)

It's plum.  And to all you negative-nellies out there saying "why would she pick plum??? Go gender neutral!!!".  I say "Plum is cuter".  Argument done.  I win.  

In the last post, I mentioned we were going to get the Ikea Hemnes 8 drawer dresser.  Lucky us, they went on sale and I talked The Husband into driving there to buy.  Low and behold... That dresser is TALL!  I'm 5'2'' and The Husband is 5'10''.  It would have certainly worked to put a changing pad on top of the dresser for him... but I don't think I could lift a kid (past infant stage) that high to change them.  After a lot of discussion, we ended up going with the Ikea Hemnes 6 drawer dresser in white.

We changed plans for a few reasons:

1.  The 8 drawer is too tall to reasonably use for a changing table.  Eliminating the "double duty" usage.  

2.  The 6 drawer is tall, and takes up much less floor space - a pro in the small bedroom.  

3.  Once this baby is potty trained we can get rid of the changing table, and that will free up floor space, where as the 8 drawer dresser will always take up more space... even past the diapering phase.  More room to play = good.  

With the money saved on the dresser, we purchased the matching chest with 2 drawers to use as a nightstand.  We still need to paint the current changing table... but what's another weekend 'to do'?  Right, husband????  Oh, and let's add "spend 10 hours assembling Ikea furniture" to that list - mmmkay?

As I said before, her room is slow going.  I had the genius idea to have horizontal stripes.  I thought it was brilliant because our ceilings and walls are the same color (thanks to the builders).  It's a darkish beige that I actually like.  My thought was if we paint the walls - the ceilings going to look random and dark... so we would need to paint the ceiling white, too.  And that felt like too much work.

bahahahahahaha.

bahahahahahahahahahaha.

We could have painted the room and ceilings on three different occasions in the time it has taken us to get to where we are with the stripes.  I was so naive.  

Here was the plan that The Husband and I worked up (on power point):

Tan walls remain the same.

Green stripe 4'' on top and bottom.

White stripe 2'' inside of the green stripes.

17'' pink stripe in the middle.

and yes, you're getting a sneak peak of her name.  This isn't facebook, or email, or spread the word news - por favor.  Most of my own family doesn't know what we picked... and this blog is even private from them - so if you know me in real life.  shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

But, we love it.  It's sweet, feminine, classic, and has some great nickname options.  

We typed in her name (off center... oops) to show that we will have her name cut from wood and displayed within that pink stripe over her name.

So, cute idea, right? 

After two weekends... this is what we have done:

sigh.

 The dark green is 'frog tape'.  We spent several hours trying to ensure that the outside borders were perfectly level, then we primed the entire 31'' span, then we taped out the bottom stripe (just another 2-3 hours of making sure it was level...) and painted it green.

Then we put 2'' tape where the white stripe will be to "protect" that area.  Once The Husband finishes taping out that top stripe, we'll be good to paint the green stripe on top and the pink.  Then, we'll have to go back through and finish off with the white stripe.  

I have total faith I will love it when we're done... but right now... it's a pain in my side.  

Want to know what else is painful?  The tap dancing that is currently taking place on top of my bladder.  

Pregnancy: Week 17

As an update to the post regarding online maternity shopping I did a few weeks ago...

I hated them all.

• The tan shorts were too tight and overall really unflattering.
• The capris were fine but were way too tight in my calves.  I do not understand how something can fit over this belly and butt - but be too tight in my calves.  I'm pretty sure I threw them across the room.  Out of all the fat things on my body right now - I refuse to add my calves to the list.  
• The denim shorts were fine, but only for "around the house".  I'm just not too confident in this pregnant body (or my pre-pregnant body... if we're being honest).  

I did buy Baby Bargains.  I think I'm just going to carry it around Babies R Us when we register.
I finally sent in my deposit for Bradley classes.  They start in August.  

We have purchased a few additional items now that we know the sex of this babe.  I finally got around to taking a few pictures this afternoon.  Although I said we were going to wait for the anatomy scan to make any real purchases, my need for a good deal has landed quite a few baby items in our house... much to The Husbands chagrin.  The "I got such a good deeeeeal" is getting old.  He informed me I'm on no-baby-spending lockdown until July 13th.  He's such a buzz kill.

1.  Activity Mat.  Paid $5, used.  

 2.  (old school) cloth diapers, to use for spit up, etc.  Free, used.  

3.  An insane amount of girly clothes considering I've known she was a she for only 7 days.  Crazy.  We have actually only purchased four of these.  The rest were bought my mom, mother-in-law, or sister.  The girl will have quite the wardrobe before this is all said and done. 

3.  We have decided on the bedding!  "Haley" from PBK.  The Husband actually picked this out (and felt quite strongly about it) so I'm on board.  We bought the blanket just so we could take it home and compare it to paint chips.  I will return it once our decision is finalized.  

p.s.  We aren't painting her whole room pink...

4.  Bumbo.  Free, used.  

5.  Changing Table.  $15, used.  Contour changing pad.  $5, used.  

I'm not 100% sure we're going to use the changing table... but I figured I could probably re-sell it for $15 and not be out much money.  If we do decide to keep it, it will be painted white to match the crib. 

The reason I'm unsure if we're going to use the changing table... is because we've pretty much decided to buy the Hemnes 8 drawer dresser from Ikea.  I'm thinking the changing pad would just as easily sit on top of the dresser and that means I have one less piece of furniture in her (already small) room.  Experienced mamas:  good or bad idea??

6.  Snoogle.  (Pregnancy Pillow).  This is probably the best 65ish dollars I've spent.  It doesn't guarantee I'll sleep through the night - but it certainly has been helping.  

(forgive my sheet-less bed.  Today is wash day!)

7.  Restoration Hardware Moses Basket and Stand:  $60, used. 

This, so far, is my favorite purchase.  I always imagined a bassinet in our room - but so many people said pack 'n plays were just as good.  The issue I had with said pack n play:  they're ugly.  Plus, my mom already has one at her house when we travel.  The Husband isn't convinced about the moses basket.  

I think this is dreamy...

I think she'll probably only sleep in this for the first 8-12 weeks in our room.  After that, she'll move to her crib with a video monitor.  The woman I purchased it from recommended using one of these in the basket, so the baby doesn't curl up against the side.   

Dear Husband.

{a copy of the father's day card I wrote on 6.17.12... the day after we found out the sex our our baby}

A daughter...
A sweet, beautiful, little girl...
The thought of you as our daughter's father takes my breath away.  You will be the first man that she trusts, loves, and depends on.  What a lucky girl she will be to have you standing behind her and supporting her through every turn in the road.

H, you have given me the amazing gift of developing life within.  I don't think there is any way to tell you how thankful and fortunate I feel to have you as my husband by my side, and my sweet little girl kicking away inside of my belly.

Thank you for all you do, all you have given me, and for creating this family with me.

I love you forever.  Happy Fathers Day.

Shannon

I am alive.

I apologize for the empty blog for the last 10 weeks or so.  I know so many of you sit on the edge of your seat for these posts... /sarcasm.

The Husband and I have been chugging away at life and the blog has taken a backseat to all the new changes happening.  I'm 15 weeks pregnant now.  We find out the sex of the babe in 8 days.  I cannot believe it.

Things we have purchased 15 weeks into the pregnancy:

Books

• What to Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel
• Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, MD
• Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy
• The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley
• The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp, MD
• Your Pregnancy Week by Week by Glade B. Curtis MD and Judith Schuler MS

So far, I tried to stay current with "What to Expect...." and "Your Pregnancy Week by Week".  Honestly, I haven't done that great of a job staying up with my reading.  I typically only have time to read at night - and I'm too tired to do anything but sleep.

I did read "Belly Laughs" cover to cover one weekend.  It was an easy read, and was funny... but didn't have a whole lot of information I didn't already know.  

The other books haven't even been cracked open.   It feels very far away I'll actually have a baby, so the pressure to read about how to make them happy or get them to sleep hasn't hit me.  

Baby Items

• A ring sling to carry the baby.  Similar to these.  We found this for $5 at a garage sale.  I have no idea if I (or babe) will like it... but I was willing to risk it for $5.
• A crib.  This was purchased by my mom about 2 days after I told her I was pregnant.  It was not my ideal situation... and she bought it without me seeing it.  Again, not ideal.  However, it's free to us - and my dad has offered to paint it to be the color that I had in mind.  
• An activity mat.  Similar to this.  Again, this was a garage sale item that was clean and cheap.  
• A changing table.  This was $15 at a garage sale and was a similar style to the already purchased crib.  I am hoping my dad will paint it to match the crib as well.  

We have discussed registering, but before now it has felt too early.  I think we'll buy a few cute things when we know the sex... but otherwise we will be waiting for the anatomy scan to make any major purchases.

Maternity Wear

At about 12 weeks, my jeans were becoming uncomfortable and The Husband convinced me to go to a maternity clothing store and try some things on.  I got in there and was TOTALLY overwhelmed.  The Husband was encouraging and trying to get me to relax, so I tried to power through.  Long story short, I ended up crying in the changing room.  It was horrible.  I felt completely out of my element, unhappy with my changing body (vain, yes.  true, yes), and overwhelmed by the options.  The Husband realized things were not going to get better... so we escaped asap.  

As an alternative to maternity wear, I purchased a few extra summer dresses from old navy that had plenty of room in the tummy and those have served me well up until now.  At this point, I'm down to about 6 dresses that I feel comfortable wearing.  That's not quite enough to last me through the scorching summer.  Dresses are great... but I'm not sure if you've heard of the term "chub rub".  It's unfortunate... but it's a reality.  My maternity spanx have been great at helping me combat the rub - but they're hot, and mama needs some shorts.  

I would typically never wear shorts because my legs are... well... not cute.  However, my plan this summer is to have such a cute bump that people are distracted by the roundness of my mid-section and will never look down to my legs.  

Here were some of my purchases from last night:

Old Navy Maternity Twill Cargo Shorts

Old Navy Maternity Smooth Panel Cutoff Denim Shorts

Old Navy Smooth Panel Distressed Denim Capris

Some of my flowy-er tops are still okay, and I have plans to find some cheap options around town.  Hopefully with three different "bottoms" I'll be able to mix/match a little easier.

Over the next month (weeks 15-19) my goals are:

• Make decision on furniture for baby's room - even if not purchased.
• Make decision on birthing classes.  I think I want to try the bradley method - I'm just not sure I can get on board with 12-15 weeks of classes!  I need to make my mind up asap.
• Decide where I want to start a registry.  Amazon?  Buy Buy Baby?  Babies R Us?
• Buy the Baby Bargains book and read that sucker cover to cover.  
• Decide on nursery inspiration for boy and/or girl
• Make final decision on cloth diapers.  I'm 90% sure... I just need to do more research.
• Find out the sex of the little nugget in my belly!