this is where I post something super private on the internet

If you know me in "real life" or even on facebook - here is where I ask for your assistance.  I consider this little blog a private space.  The Husband doesn't read it and I have not told any family about it.  I feel like having my friends and family read it takes an element of anonymity out of it.  I love that coat of privacy (even though it's clearly not... I'm publishing it on the inter webs.  Let me play dumb, please).  I request that nothing that I talk about here be put onto facebook where nosy aunts, uncles and neighbors can read.  

Now that that's out there.

The Husband and I are trying to have a baby.  

This is a very new development, and one that I am so excited about.

Two and a half years ago, the Husband had been married for almost a year... and I was getting "the itch".  I was spending some time online forum where a large portion of the conversation was about fertility, trying to conceive, raising children, etc.  ::itch, itch, itch::

While on this forum I read about a book entitled Taking Charge of Your Fertility.  After ordering the book online, I sat and read cover to cover in two evenings.  I was shocked about the fertility clues that I was so oblivious to.  The Husband was still unemployed at the time and we were not ready for children... but I felt so inspired and educated by the book.  After discussions with The Husband, we decided we would use the methods (charting, temping, checking CM) to avoid pregnancy once he was gainfully employed, and I could finally get off the birth control pill that had been ruling my life for 6.5 years.  

In January 2010, we tossed the pills and started using the more natural methods in TCOYF.  At that time, we decided we would start trying in January 2012 due to some financial goals we wanted to spend the next two years working towards.  I was on board with our savings goals... but my desires to start trying were much stronger once there was so much more stability with The Husband's income.  ::itch, itch, itch::

In January 2011 we took an (unplanned) leap of faith and signed a contract to build a home.  This was not in the 5 year plan, but we felt like it was the right time and the right decision.  We put 15% down on the house, so this obviously impacted our savings goals.  When we signed the contract on the house, The Husband and I decided we would need to push ttc back 9 additional months, until August 2012.  I struggled with this, but decided the home was the right decision and reluctantly got on board with our new plan.

Since we've moved into the house in June 2011, and gained even more stability (emotionally and financially) I have been bugging the shit out of The Husband to push up our ttc date.  The poor guy was subjected to my irrational pleads on a regular basis.  In what I can only rationalize as a weak moment, The Husband agreed to reconsider once he received his next annual review in April 2012.  When he said  "We will talk about this in April 2012, after my annual review.  Leave me alone about this.", I heard "We can start actively ttc in April, and I cannot wait to father your children".  I was stoked.  ::itch,  itch, itch, itch::

Last Saturday, The Husband and I were laying in bed chatting about a potential vacation in April.  He rolled over and said "I have been thinking about this, and I'm ready to start trying for a baby now".  

...Enter my gasp of air, and momentary pause in the beating of my heart... 

(Due to my predictable cycles and history of charting - the husband knew right where I was in my cycle - which happened to be 2 days before ovulation).  I was finally able to scratch that "itch" that has been bugging me for the last 2 years.

So we tried that night.

And we tried last night.

And you can bet all of your buttons that we're trying again tonight.

I am not naive to the difficulties so many people, including several of my own friends and family have endured trying to conceive.  I am just choosing to maintain positive because this is an incredibly exciting time in our lives and there is no reason for me to not soak up every second.  I'm sure a few months of negatives may eventually change my tune, but this post is about where I am in the process as of today.  Bring on the two week wait.