Perfectly Imperfect.

That deep, gut wrenching, stomach churning, pain that is so unfamiliar you can't even begin describe where it came from or what it means...  I assume that's mommy worry.  I've had tough breaks, and stress, and unexpected pitfalls in my life - but the thought that something isn't exactly right for your baby is completely different.  It's a feeling so deep and specific, I know I've never felt it until now.  

So many moms (myself included) spend countless hours creating a nursery that is perfectly designed.  Clothes hang in the closet that have been organized by month and perfectly folded pajamas sit in dressers.  Hours of research go into finding the best car seats, and bedding, and swings... and all the other 'stuff' that makes for a perfect transition into parenthood.

It suddenly doesn't matter if you have concerns about your baby's growth.

Six weeks ago, The Husband and I had our anatomy scan at my regular obgyn's office.  They mentioned she was very low in my pelvis, making it difficult for them to measure her.  I needed to come back in four weeks for another ultrasound so they could get measurements of her head.  I chalked it up to her being her 'father's daughter' and stubbornly hiding.  

At 24w3d, I returned for another ultra sound.  After the ultra sound, my doctor mentioned that our little girl's head measurements were falling behind.  The head measurements were not proportional to her body growth.  At 24 weeks, her head was at least 2.5 weeks behind.  It became clear that they got small measurements at my 20 week, but weren't sure... due to her position.  However, the 24 week ultra sound confirmed.  I've been given a referral to see a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist on September 11th.  

My obgyn mentioned that all babies grow at a different paces.  Just like 12 year olds - everyone hits growth spurts at different times.  There is plenty of hope that her head will catch up and she just has an odd growth pattern.  However, a specialist has better equipment and can give a more detailed report.   It's totally possible we will walk into the specialist appointment and her head growth will have caught up.  If not, The Husband and will be able to walk out more knowledgeable and informed - and hopefully with less fear.  The unknown is scary.  

(Googling is even more scary... I don't recommend it.  Ever).

We are choosing not to post anything about our worries on facebook.  I want to wait until after our appointment and we can get some answers.  I would appreciate any of my FB friends to understand and help protect our fears.  

Here is a photo of our perfect little girl, with her perfectly disproportional head. 

I'm so in love.